COLD IS RELATIVE
Foridians turn on the heat. People in Wisconsin plant gardens.
50°F
Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Wisconsin sunbathe.
40°F
Italian & English cars won't start. People in Wisconsin drive with
the windows down and the sunroof open.
32°F
Distilled water freezes. Wisconsinites chill their beer outdoors &
strip to their skivies to take their docks out.
20°F
Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves, wool hats.
People in Wisconsin grab a flannel shirt & drive their trucks on the
lake to go fishing.
New York landlords finally turn up the heat. People in Wisconsin
have the last cookout before it gets cold.
0°F
People in Miami all die. Wisconsinites finish raking leaves.
-10°F
Californians fly away to Mexico. People in Wisconsin get out their
blaze orange wind breakers for opening gun deer season.
Hollywood disintegrates. Sturgeon Spearers saw through 2 feet of
ice on Lake Winnebago so they can sit in uninsulated metal boxes
and wait weeks for a prehistoric fish to swim by.
-40°F
Washington DC runs out of hot air. People in Wisconsin let the
dogs sleep indoors.
-100°F
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Wisconsinites get upset
because they can't start the Mini-Van to go to friday night fish fry.
-460°F
ALL atomic motion stops (absolute zero, zero on the Kelvin Kale.)
People in Wisconsin start saying...'Cold enough fer ya?"
-500°F
Hell freezes over. Wisconsin public schools open 2 hours late
